He Adores Us All

Sometimes when I write I have a specific topic in mind and I’ve been thinking about exactly what I want to say. Once I get started, it never goes quite as planned but I think quite often it ends up even better than I thought it would. Today I have no idea what I want to say so hopefully the words will flow and in the end maybe even I will have some answers and a better understanding of the complexities of life and people.

I know when someone attacks me (with words or actions) that most often it is done because they feel threatened in some way. I get that. I understand. But when someone attacks who has no idea of what I have been through it quite honestly makes me downright mad. For someone to assume that I am the root of all the problems, that I am somehow to blame for everything, that I am the one that caused chaos, it trips my trigger.

I know exactly why it trips my trigger. I know where it’s rooted. But I don’t know how to pull the weed. I know, of course, that I’m NOT what they have assumed. I’m not completely innocent, I had my part, but I wasn‘t the only part. God has so forgiven me. I don’t have to live with the guilt or the shame. I don’t have to carry that heavy load anymore. And yet they seem to feel they need to try to load that right back onto my shoulders.

I’m assured I’ve come a long way when I know I don’t have to accept that load. It’s not mine anymore. I’m free. I’ve been forgiven and I’ve forgiven. The past is the past. I can live for today. And my today is good. My today is exactly where I need to be. I am not sorry for where I am. And I am freed from where I’ve been.

As for you who feels the need to bring me down, the one who wants to play games and try to create trouble, it’s just not going to work. I am stronger than that. I don’t want to play with you. I’m sorry you are in your own uncomfortable spot. I pray you will find peace. And I hope the best for you. Really, I do.

God has done such miraculous work in me. I am so incredibly blessed and I know that I act from a pure heart. Every day the gifts that He has given me become more clear. I will strive to please Him. I will spend my days doing what I believe He has called me to do. I’m finally at a place where I can do that. I know how incredibly special I am and how very fond He is of me.

Living in a place where I’m comfortable in my own skin, I can now reach out to others and I’m loving doing that. Whether it be in day to day communication, leading an Alpha table, teaching a healthy relationships class, and hopefully before too long, becoming a training assistant for Break Through, I want to share the love that I now know. I want the world to experience it with me. Even with those who may not deserve it. Because in my heart I know that they really do, whether they have chosen me as the target for their pain or not.

God loves all his children. All of them! Each and every one. And God loves me!