- I'm not sleeping well, at all.
- I have no appetite but am forcing myself to eat
- I have no desire to clean the house, do the dishes, feed the cats
- I haven't looked at my mail in a very long time or paid the bills. I know atleast a couple of them are now late. I don't care.
- I'm having a difficult time caring about too much but surviving
- The laundry hasn't been done for 2 weeks
- The yard isn't mowed
- I haven't gone grocery shopping in a while except to keep the milk supply going
- I'm not putting the boys to bed on time
- I'm not cooking healthy meals for them
- I'm losing the battle with my tears, they come without warning, any time of the day or night
- I'm confused as to who to trust, including trusting anything I think God is telling me to do since the last thing I thought he told me to do kind of blew up in my face.
- I'm feeling sick to my stomach most of the time
- I can't forgive right now, I can't even form the words without crying
- I'm not always looking away, not always walking away, not always keeping my heart locked up and hard to that one person who has betrayed me. I'm slipping up from time to time and letting him have too much power over me.
What I Am Doing:
- I'm getting out of bed every morning
- I'm going to work
- I'm making sure the kids get their homework done (this one is iffy, depends on the day)
- I'm trying to nap between routes (this isn't working out too good for the most part)
- I'm walking/jogging for 30 minutes a day
- I'm blogging
- I'm reaching out to friends although some feel like I'm using the wrong mediums to do that. (What they don't know, is that it is huge for me to be able to reach out at all, no matter how I do it)
- I'm praying
- I'm reading the bible
- I'm still sitting in as a table leader in Alpha
- I'm exploring possibilities for additional help to get through this, i.e. counseling, Celebrate Recovery, prayer with others, Stephens Minister, etc.
- I'm taking my kids to the places they need to go, sports, practices, Camp Fire, etc.
- I'm being real
- I'm taking it one baby step at a time, sometimes crawling on my hands and knees, sometimes just rocking, but moving
- I'm realizing that by acknowledging that I feel like I want to give up at times, that I don't really want to do that. That I wouldn't ever do that.
- I'm reaching out to others who are hurting right now too so that we can lean on each other for support. No one can understand what you are going through better than someone who is experiencing the same thing.
- I'm praying scripture, and writing down scripture that stands out for me and I find meaningful.
- I'm crying, healing tears
- I'm feeling deeply rather than stuffing it down
- I'm hurting very very much
- I'm reaching for God's hand (when I can)
- I'm trying to let Him help me
- I'm crying out to him
- I'm praising him for the glimpses of light and for the darkness for I know I will grow stronger in my relationship with Him as we walk this path together
- I'm still finding love in my heart for my friends, for those who are willing to help, for my boys, for God, for those at my Alpha table, for the friends I've talked to lately who are hurting too, for the special needs kids on my bus, even for her and for him.
I suppose I may think of a few more thing to add to both lists or some new things might come up that could be added. But it's good for me to see that I am doing something, even though it feels sometimes like I'm just falling apart.
Blessings... Me
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