Mixed messages

I guess if I am to blog, I am only supposed to tell you about the good things. Forget being real. Forget the fact that my words just might help someone else out there who is hurting as well. Perhaps this is too public and perhaps yes there are those out there who wish to hurt me with my own words. But do I take that risk to help someone else find their way back to God?

I may be hurting right now, and I may be sharing my climb out of this publicly, but I am doing it with open eyes. Sometimes I'm ok, and sometimes I'm not. Are you going to tell me there's never been a time that you weren't ok? That everything didn't crash down around you? That you fought like heck to keep your head above the water? Isn't it when we are suffering the most that we need God the most? Isn't it those times that we grow in our relationship with him the most? So what is wrong with sharing that?

Would you prefer I start in the middle of the story, when things are so-so? Would you prefer I share the story from the end, when I've beaten the odds, when I've climbed the mountain? Or would you prefer I be real about what I'm feeling right now. Yes, people can see this. Yes, they may not all be people I would choose to see it. But I am trusting that God is in control. I have been given a gift by God, and if sharing my story publicly comes back and bites me, well then, it won't be the first time, now will it?

I'm sorry if I'm coming across as being angry. Perhaps I am angry. I'm getting mixed messages from people around me. I'm getting mixed messages from what I believed in the past and what I'm doing and believing now. And all this mixing is scrambling my brain. What it comes down to, is that I will continue to do and write what I feel like doing and writing. Your concern touches me and I appreciate it. Please continue to pray for me. I very much appreciate that too. Part of my journey is private, very private. That is the part between God and I, the part that you don't see, the part that I'm not ready to talk about yet.

I am going to be ok. I am going to climb the mountain. But I doubt I'll ever have it all figured out. That is not for me to know. But as I blog, perhaps some truths can be revealed not only to me but others around me as well. And if I can help just one person, than isn't it worth the risk? It may not be for you, but for me, it is. And that is enough for me to know.